Where to begin, where to begin? Oh, I know. Valentine's Day. You suck! If Cupid was one of my patients and he was on dialysis and I had to dose his vanco I would let him die. I wouldn't even try to figure out the equations. I would steal his little arrows and break them over my knee. I should have known this was how I was going to feel when the first Valentine's Day themed commercial I saw this year was for KY Jelly. Is this serious? I despise those commercials. I do not want to imagine what anyone is doing with KY and I sure as hell don't need a 5 second clip of fireworks to explain to me how they are feeling. G-r-o-s-s. Why does KY even advertise? Never mind, I can't even think about this anymore. Waste of my energy.
Next topic. My father. The Droid. One week ago my father had a simple flip phone. He did not know my phone was called an iPhone. We were all living in a state of ignorant bliss. But then something terrible happened. He got the crazy idea that having internet on his phone could be useful. So he just went and bought a Droid. Just up and bought it. And he preceded to call me on it. He wanted to make sure I knew he had, "really mastered how to scroll." Congrats Dad, you've passed kindergarden. Wait, who I am I kidding? You passed being two. I want to say welcome to 2011, but scroll. Really? Welcome to 1997. While fine tuning his scrolling skills he also mastered the fine art of making phone calls when you actually think you are texting. I wonder if there is an app for that? And when he finally broke down and asked for help he ended up mumbling about how they just assume this stuff is "intuitive." As Phil Dunphy would sing, "the snowflake button makes it cold, cold, cold..." And a caveat to that, if you aren't watching Modern Family then you SERIOUSLY need to reconsider some of your life decisions.
Last month I got to basically live the dream and go to The Wizarding World of Harry Potter in Orlando. I won't bore you with the specifics, but essentially. The. Bomb. But let me tell you what was not the bomb. The way people dress. When I was young my mother taught me a basic concept. You can't wear a dress and play on the monkey bars. This applies to theme parks. Just pretend the roller coaster is a big set of monkey bars. Embrace it. And don't let your children stray. I can not count the amount of times I saw a small child running around with no supervising adult close by. This is not your backyard. There are HUNDREDS of people lurking around. It may be the "Happiest Place on Earth," but guess what kind of sketchy people that can attract? People who like to steal children, that's who. Ugh. Then I feel responsible for making sure I have my eyes peeled for creepers and then my day becomes stressful. So basically if you have a kid, just get it together and watch them when you are at a crowded theme park, okay?
Okay. Those were my recent frustrations. I have tried to lighten them by adding links to YouTube videos all over the place. It's tacky, but just watch them. It was suggested that I talk about dating in this blog. That would first mean I have to understand dating. I don't. But I'll put some thought into it. I'm sure I will be just frustrated enough on February 14th to muster up the energy to dedicate a blog to all the annoying things about dating. Until then meet my Valentine and ignore his current cocaine possession charges.
As always, thanks for reading the rambles. :)
